There were some events that happened today that made me further realize a viewpoint I’ve grown accustomed to. Over the years I’ve had many people come and go in my life. I hope that when these people come in, that they realize how great of a friend I am capable of being.
As I look back on the reasons people have left, there aren’t really too many to list. The one that jumps out at me that I just don’t understand happens time and again. In fact, I have the feeling, dear reader, that it is happening yet again as I write this.
Many of my friends, good, true friends, know I am there whenever they need me. I don’t ask questions, I am just there to support them for whatever reason they may need. Maybe it’s due to this fact that it doesn’t seem to bother them when suddenly they seem to write me off. It’s never due to something I’ve done to them, but rather seems to happen when one of them starts a relationship with someone new. Today marks the third time in the past year that one of these friends has chosen to go their own way.
Don’t get me wrong, I am happy for them, as long as they are happy, but at some point it does sting a little to be cast off to the darkness and practically forgotten. I thought relationships were supposed to be something that you wanted to share? You meet someone new and you want everyone to get along so you don’t have to compromise for your new someone or your friends.
Seems lately that many of my friends have been choosing the new someone. I don’t like the feeling I get today upon just hearing that a friend has just started seeing someone I know, but won’t tell me who. Maybe it’s because he knows I’ll be honest with him and give him the facts I know if I feel that he could be hurt in the situation. (Mind you, I tell any of my friends that it is still their decision over anything, but I do believe it is always good to have the facts. You wouldn’t let a child molester babysit your kids, right?) Either way, the darkness is already coming. They always swear they won’t become strangers, but every time they stop calling, stop texting and if you actually see them or get to spend a fleeting moment with them, it’s in passing and never planned.
One of my friends got out of a bad relationship (finally) and was in a situation where he just needed a friend. Someone he could trust. I was happy to be there for him. When he started seeing someone he had liked for years and things were going well, he told me it wouldn’t be like last time when his previous girlfriend wouldn’t allow him to talk to or see his friends. Well, I haven’t heard from him in well over a month or more now again. I really hoped this time was going to be different.
My friends always tell me they know I’m there when they need me, and they always come back when things don’t work with whoever they were seeing, but why the write off? And why do they feel that they can’t talk to me? I guess I just don’t understand. I am not a jealous person. When I was married, my husband at the time started talking with his pregnant, single, ex-fiancee. It was behind my back at first, but I’m not stupid. When I called him out on it and he admitted who it was, I told him that I wasn’t going to tell him who he could and couldn’t talk to. I told him it was his decision to determine who he kept as friends. I didn’t have to get along with all of them. I did however, tell him that if she was under the impression that she was going to start a family with my husband, she had best think that over again. After this he did start to have his phone conversations with her in front of me, but I did find out later, around the time of our separation, that he had lied to me and gone to visit her when he told me previously he hadn’t.
So, maybe my viewpoint is skewed. Maybe it’s more normal for people to just write off their friends when they get into a relationship. It’s just not me though. If I’m going to date someone, he is going to meet my friends. He doesn’t have to like them, but he has to understand that these are my friends and I greatly value them in my life. No man is going to tell me that I can’t associate with the people I care about.
I wish so many others would also not be afraid to be honest with themselves and others. I think people may be happier with themselves if they did so. But, until then, I guess, again, I just wait for the good ones as they always come back.
(Good luck N. I hope things work out for you, but if you’re not willing to tell a good friend who she is, I’m sorry to say I don’t see it going too far. Just know that I’ll be here to pick up the pieces if you need me, even if you tuck me away in the dark corner til then.)