Nothing hurts more than watching someone close to you subject themselves to a time bomb just waiting to explode. For all those who have stood by while someone’s relationship fell to pieces, you should have some understanding of where I’m coming from.
I will never claim to understand people or relationships. Honestly, I don’t think I want to, but I do wish that we were not wired to take the abuse until something inside us snaps and we finally decide for ourselves to walk away.
I know too many damaged people. If you are one of the damaged, please take no offense. I will explain what I mean. When someone is in an abusive relationship they see themselves in a different light. Not everyone is the same, however when the same people see a similar situation with someone else, they know it is wrong. Where I imply the term “damaged” is that this person can see this in others but refuses or denies that the same thing is happening to them. They believe they are happy or that things will change. (I should mention here that it is not only women, but also some men I know who I would also consider damaged.)
Having been in a bad relationship in my past, it seems easier for me to see when things turn sour for others now. I thankfully haven’t been in a bad relationship since, but over the years have met many others who had similar fates. Recently, I had a friend who three of us knew was in a bad situation. His girlfriend was into a lot of things and she used my friend for nearly a year, having him pay her rent, buy her a vehicle, pay for her entertainment, etc. When she didn’t get her way, there were times she would hit him, and we aren’t talking a little girly punch. There was one night he had to leave his own home because she continued to come after him. Another good friend of ours went to pick him up. Shortly after this was when she started cheating on him.
When he finally saw the light and ended things, it took him a few weeks to get back on track. He felt as though a lot of what had happened was his fault, that he never should have let it go as far as it did. She had beaten him down so far that he questioned everything in his life. I hope that he never has to deal with it again.
Unfortunately, in a way he does. That mutual good friend of ours who went to pick him up that night, he’s now seeing her. This is breaking news to me. This mutual friend is the same friend who I eluded to in my previous post about the friend I felt I was losing due to a new relationship. I now understand why he was hesitant to tell me who she was. He told me tonight and you know I won’t lie to you, dear reader, I was crushed. I don’t know how one can watch someone abuse a good friend and then start dating that person as if the past occurrences were a fluke. I have told my friend that I won’t abandon him but that it is in both our best interests not to mention her again. I can’t bear to think about how things are going to change for him over the next few months, if it goes that far. I honestly fear for him and what she will do to him.
I know there is nothing I can say or do to make him leave her, nor would I be that person who tries to tell my friends how to live their lives. There never is anything that can be said or done in those situations. It is a decision they must make on their own and those on the outside looking in just hope it happens before the real damage sets in.