Well, my dearest reader, it’s been a long time since I’ve graced this blog with content and I feel I have a confession to make…..I’m a failure.
I have failed to listen to my critics, my biggest adversaries and to be quite honest, my own family. I have proven my failures in the courses I took in college, with the failed career choices I have made and with the lack of anything spectacular to show for the 30+ years I’ve been on this earth.
However, it is through these failures that I have become the person you read about here in these words. I am grateful for the people who told me throughout my life that I would fail, and for the classes and instructors who told me I never had the right answers because they weren’t the ones in the book. Without those things I wouldn’t have experienced the many (and I mean MANY) careers I tried before I found myself where I am today. The funny part about it though? I still don’t feel accomplished.
There’s a fine line between doing a good job and feeling like you’ve made a difference. I’m told time and again what great things I do, but I still view them as failures. Maybe because I still don’t feel like I’ve hit that home run that to me will feel like I’ve really, truly done something good.
Recently, I hosted (along with the association I serve on a board for) our normal monthly event. I pushed hard to bring in our after dinner guest speaker, who I knew would be just edgy enough to either completely win or fail with all the spectaularness that is the fourth of July in a hurricane. I put everything I had behind this event, pushing for increased funding, for increased promotion, and I’m sure with every detail that I tried to make sure was just right, I annoyed more than my fair share of people who assisted me with this venture.
But, through all of that, through all the worry, the stress, the butterflies and the laughter, I again survived. I proved I am capable of doing what I love to do, I have the support of others who have the same passion as I do and, dammit, I’m good at it too. (Take THAT naysayers!) However, maybe it’s my humility that brings me down off that pedestal and leaves me still questioning if I did it the best I could.
I once had a wise man tell me “The enemy of great is good enough.” This phrase has brought so much meaning to everything I do. The frustration of people who don’t care, of those who feel they have no accountability, “it’s good enough.” I can’t do things that way. I hope this event wasn’t just “good enough.” I hope that it was the start of my yellow brick road to that big shiny city that is just waiting for me to come up and knock on its gates. I see the dream, I know the path that leads there. It’s time to shake off the dead weight and make my way.